I would like to talk about the last TED talk I saw - "30 is not the new 20" by clinical psychologist Meg Jay. You can imagine how intrigued I was by the title seeing I just turned 29 two weeks ago.
In this talk, Meg tells us that because human beings tend to do everything later (study longer, marry later, have kids later, die later), the new 20-something generation has been procrastinating to do "what really matters" (read: build a career, a family, a future) thinking it has all the time in the world. [At my age, my mum had been married for eight years and she already had a 3-year old, two years later my dad left his employer to set up his own accounting practice].
Meg says that the 20-something decade is the one of adult development - with facts at hands: 80% of life's most defining moments take place by age 35; the brain caps off its second and last growth spurts in our 20s as it rewires itself for adulthood; personality changes more in your 20s than at any other period of your life; female fertility peaks at age 28... Basically it's the defining decade.
Thing is, we are being told that we have all the time in the world because apparently we are going to live until we are 120 and therefore we have lost that sense of urgency.. And because of that, she says "nothing happens" (Harsh). This will have consequences because at some point, if we procrastinate too long, we'll be forced to do everything too quickly when we are 30-something. We'll be forced to maybe settle with a husband (so she says - I think I'd rather be alone), give up on having kids, or not be able to give our kid a sibling, we won't have the career we wished for... Frightening thought.
Meg ends the talk by saying that there is hope because 20-something have the ability to listen and can still change the direction of their future (she had to end on a hopeful note, frankly I was a bit depressed listening to her).
It got me thinking about 2 things. 1- how are the 20-something surrounding me doing? 2- what have I done for the last 9 years?
1- Well I am quite proud of my friends. Yes, as a generation, we have been slower at finding out what we like and at taking actions towards our desired career paths. However most of the 20-something I know have moved away from the first job they got a bit randomly and are now in a much better place than even just 2-3 years ago. Some of them were lucky and found the right job straight away, some have quit audit/banking to work in a corporate or a start up, some have even started their own companies and some are still looking for what they really want to do and I think it's great as long as they work towards that.
Again, 2-3 years ago, half of my friends were single or in relationships that were leading nowhere, and now it seems that most of us are either in meaningful relationships or single by choice, but not with someone by default and not single out of laziness. So maybe my group of friends are not representative of all 20-something but it seems to me that we have accelerated the speed of our progression in the last 2-3 years and so even if we took our time in our early 20s, we are now moving at a decent pace. I am reassured, we do have something to show for.
2- What I have done in the last 9 years? Well it was not all simple and straightforward - like most (good? bad?) things in life. I started by studying maths because... ...well I am French. I then was supposed to become a chartered accountant.. That never happened because one summer I took this internship in Investment Banking in IB#1. After that, I dropped Uni in Paris and eventually studied my Masters in Finance here in London. Graduating in 2009 means it took me a few months, two internships and three investment banks to find a full-time job in markets in sales. So I took that job in IB#4 five years ago without really understanding what the job I just took was (in my defense, it was a very specific role that does not exist systematically in other banks). Three years later I changed jobs because I wanted to acquire a hard skillset, still within IB#4. Two years later I decided to leave the industry and do something I am really passionate about and so here I am.
This time though, unlike when I was 24 and I had just graduated and had no job, I am not anxious about my future. I now have 500+ connections on LinkedIn (the grail) and I am proactively managing these relationships, I can read balance sheets, I am much more open-minded to other cultures, people, lifestyles, potential professional opportunities. I am also confident I can make a difference.
My love life has been hectic too and it took me quite some time to understand what was really important to me in a person and in a relationship. I am still researching but I am definitely less lost. My boyfriend is my best friend who understand my aspirations. Also, I have faithful fun reliable true friends (yes, that too comes over the years). Basically my life looks nothing like it was five years ago.
So Meg, I think you were a bit harsh on our generation but I agree with you that the 20s is the defining decade.
No, 30 is not the new 20 but it does not mean that we, soon-to-be 30-something, have to take ourselves too seriously (in a good way): we are (or about to be) 30-something women and we can still go to Ibiza with our friends, we can still eat junk food and we will still dress at "forever 21" sometimes, for fun. Yet we have progressed and grown. We know better what we want to do, who we want to be and with who we want to live and grow old, whether friends or partners. AND on top of it, now we work out :)
Following my very first post, I was asked: "how do you find/know what you love?". It's a bit like, "how do you know he is the one?" (although on that one, mathematicians have insights). It's a very fair question, I will try to address it in my next post.
Until then I'll be proud to say I am about to be 30-something. I would not want to be 20 now and live all this drama again!
Video of the week: Mobula Rays belly flop to attract a mate (BBC)
Remix of the week: Teemid - Crazy feat. Joie Tan (Gnarls Barkley Cover)
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